Finding Balance

If you're like me, you like to enjoy life to the fullest. You never want to slow down, and you take on whatever life throws at you. This can be a useful trait in many situations, but sometimes it leaves you feeling as if you're impulsive. Others may think you're out of control, or even insatiable. In the context of the sex industry, it's really hard to navigate that level of excitement and momentum without being labeled as a sex addict. It's even harder to feel like a "normal" person while the sex industry is so taboo in the US. Participating in this lifestyle is not typically something you can be open about without receiving some level of backlash. This is true for those who seek and those who provide.

So, how do you go on with your normal day when you've got excitement and impulses nagging away at you?

Go check that message! Who am I going to fuck tonight? Oh man, she just posted a new picture. I need to comment on it. Oh, I need to see if that other person is back in town. Are you available?

It can take on a life of its own. Meanwhile, you have a job, bills, family, obligations, and other priorities that must take precedence over your (likely) secret and (potentially) obsessive sex life. Maybe you even feel like the black sheep among your peers/family. If they're judgmental towards a sexually liberating lifestyle, it's understandable that you may feel a little isolated.

This is why you feel so much thrill by engaging with those who are also among this lifestyle. We understand you, we can empathize, and we may have experience or have advice to help you grow and develop your own sexuality. This is one of the most loving and open communities I've ever been a part of. It's no wonder that engaging with others in this lifestyle can bring joy and acceptance that may lack in your "vanilla" life.

I have no easy answer for creating balance, because this lifestyle doesn't mesh easily with the societal expectation to be vanilla. Balance is an abstract concept, and it's different for every person. Someone feels balance when their beliefs and expectations align, and there is no fear of failure. There's confidence, understanding, and an opportunity for growth. A lack of balance creates a sense of feeling stuck, fear of loss, and a loss of control.

Here's what you can do: Take each day a step at a time. When you encounter someone talking down about the sex industry, you could challenge them and open a debate to help them open their mind. Alternatively, you could choose to not participate in their negativity. Identify that they may not have the desire to see your point of view. The negativity that exists in society towards the sex industry is not a reflection of you. Once upon a time, you stepped foot into this lifestyle. You opened your mind, allowed yourself to explore and experience something new. It's your body, and your desires. It's not anybody else's business. Be confident in who you are, because your emotions are valid. So long as you're not hurting anyone, and you're respectful of everyone involved, I believe you should have the right to indulge in your preferences.

-Rosaline Stone

Note: If you believe you may be using sex for harmful reasons (revenge, racism, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, abuse, r*pe, pedophilia/minors, non-consensual violence, etc) then I suggest you seek professional help. These situations are likely rooted in something unrelated to sex, but have manifested through your sexual behavior. The source behind dangerous sexual impulses may not be your fault, but your decision to engage in harmful sexual practices, and the consequences that follow, are your responsibility. There are resources available to help you achieve a healthy, safe, and respectful expression of sexuality. I am not certified to help you, but I can help you find someone who is.

California, USA
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Rosaline Stone 2019